I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
