How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
