11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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