I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
