A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
