How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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