Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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