There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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