hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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