Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
