my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
