So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
