Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
