Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
