Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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