I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
