When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
