you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When are your genitals available?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
