I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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