You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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