We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
