stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
