Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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