I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
