I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
