I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
