yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
