toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
