Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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