Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
