a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
