I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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