I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
