this just has baby written all over it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
