i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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