Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
