If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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