Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
