Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
