I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
