I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
