ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
vagina is talking i cant
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
