Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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