My balls are so social today.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
