Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need moral support for this bender
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
