he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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