Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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