put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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