So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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