maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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