your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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