You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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