I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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